小学简单英语笑话

小学简单英语笑话

　　笑话来源于生活，却又可以让我们的生多些欢乐、开心，现在，一起来开心爆笑下。

　　小学简单英语笑话一：A THEORY OF CREATION

　　God created the mule, and told him, "You will be mule, working constantly from dusk to dawn, carrying heavy loads on your back. You will eat grass and lack intelligence. You will live for 50 years."

　　The mule answered, "To live like this for 50 years is too much. Please, give me no more than 20." And it was so.

　　Then God created the dog, and told him, "You will hold vigilance over the dwellings of Man, to whom you will be his greatest companion. You will eat his table scraps and live for 25 years."

　　And the dog responded, "Lord, to live 25 years as a dog like that is too much. Please, no more than 10 years." And it was so.

　　God then created the monkey, and told him, "You are monkey. You shall swing from tree to tree,acting like an idiot. You will be funny, and you shall live for 20 years."

　　And the monkey responded, "Lord, to live 20 years as the clown of the world is too much. Please, Lord, give me no more than 10 years." And it was so.

　　Finally, God created Man and told him, "You are Man, the only rational being that walks the earth. You will use your intelligence to have mastery over the creatures of the world. You will dominate the earth and live for 20 years."

　　And the man responded, "Lord, to be Man for only 20 years is too little. Please, Lord, give me the 30 years the mule refused, the 15 years the dog refused, and the 10 years the monkey rejected." And it was so.

　　And so God made Man to live 20 years as a man, then marry and live 30 years like a mule working and carrying heavy loads on his back. Then, he is to have children and live 15 years as a dog, guarding his house and eating the leftovers after they empty the pantry; then, in his old age, to live 10 years as a monkey, acting like an idiot to amuse his grand children.

　　小学简单英语笑话二：The Camel

　　Retiring from a big corporate job in LA, Marvin moves to Tel Aviv. (So nu, you were thinking maybe he'd move to a kibbutz?)

　　Wanting to contribute to nation-building somehow he focuses on stock-trading, the onlyvocation he knows. But, to commute to his new humble penthouse office, he refuses to drive a Mercedes like everyone else so he buys himself ... a camel.

　　Every night Marvin parks his camel in the garage under his Tel Aviv Condo and the next morning he mounts the camel for the commute to his new office in Ramat Gan.

　　One day Marvin comes down to the parking garage and the camel is gone ... stolen!

　　He calls the police who arrive within minutes. The first question is "What color was your camel?"

　　Marvin replies he doesn't remember, "Probably camel colored I guess ... sort of brownish-greyish."

　　"And how many humps on your camel?' asks the policeman.

　　"Who counts humps ... one, maybe two, I don't know for sure."

　　"And the height of the camel, sir?"

　　"What's with these dumb questions?" Marvin asks. "The camel was about three feet taller than I am. So maybe 9 feet, 10 feet. I can't be certain."

　　"Just one last question to complete my report, sir. Was the camel male or female?"

　　"Ah, that I know for sure he was a male."

　　"How can you be so certain of his sex when you don't remember anything else about your camel" asks the policeman.

　　"Well," says Marvin, "everyone knows he's a male. Every day I'd ride the camel to work through the streets of Tel Aviv and people would stop and say to each other ... 'Look at the schmuck on that camel!' "

　　小学简单英语笑话三：Identify The Problem

　　A policeman had a perfect spot to watch for speeders, but was not getting many.

　　Then, he discovered the problem; a 10 year old boy was standing up the road with a hand painted sign which read, "SPEED TRAP AHEAD".

　　The officer then found a young accomplice down the road with a sign painted "TIPS" and a bucket of change.

　　小学简单英语笑话四：Competitive Conversion

　　A priest, a Southern Baptist preacher, and a rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette .

　　They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.

　　One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another, and they decided to do an experiment. They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.

　　Seven days later, they all came together to discuss their experiences.

　　Father Flannery, who had his arm in a sling, was on crutches, and had various bandages on his body and limbs, went first. "Well," he said, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him, I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary, Mother of God, he became as gentle as lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion an confirmation."

　　Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, had one arm and both legs in casts, and had an IV drip. In his best fire-and-brimstone oratory, he claimed, "WELL, brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear.

　　And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quickly DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus."

　　The priest and the reverend both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IVs and monitors running in and out of him. He was in really bad shape.

　　The Rabbi looked up and said, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start."

　　小学简单英语笑话五：Free Monday

　　Little Johnny is in a class where every Friday the teacher asks a question and if you get it right you don't have to go to school on Monday.

　　The first Friday the question was, "How many gallons of water is there in the whole world."

　　No one knew so they all had to go to school on Monday.

　　Next Friday, the question was, "How many grains of sand is there in the whole world."

　　No one knew so they had to go to school on Monday.

　　By this time Little Johnny is getting mad because he doesn't want to go to school on Monday.

　　So he paints two ping-pong balls black and the next Friday right before the teacher asked the question he rolled the two blach ping-pong balls up to her.

　　She said, "Who is the comedian with two black balls?"

　　Little Johnny said, "Bill Cosby, see you on Tuesday."

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